Seeing that it's biography time this week, I picked up "Anusual" from the book store. I had no clue Anu Aggarwal of Aashiqee fame had left Bollywood and modelling for yoga!
For those of you who are equally shocked, let me quickly provide the backgound. Anu was a sociology topper who did some social work for NGOs in Delhi before moving to Mumbai. She did not return to social work partly because her friend in Mumbai did not want her to go back just then. The friend was/is a musician himself. Soon enough, offers from modelling agencies and later Bollywood started pouring in as she seemed to have what it takes to make it big as a model. After months of pushing the idea away and sticking to modelling alone, she accepted the Aashiqee role and liked acting more than modelling, though she had had good success as a model too. Yet, the of glamour did not fully satisfy her and she found it a bit "fake", in her own words. She had at some point done the full Vipassana course of ten days or so, her family (especially one of her grandmothers) had always been on the religious side, and she was probably always one who loved to give herself fully to those around her. So yoga was the field she wanted to be in even more than acting. She took time off films and modelling to take additional classes and camps in yoga - in particular, something in Rishikesh which was a 6 month residential course it seems.
She worked hard at the course, often doing more service than required at the ashram, because the ideal of karmayoga inspired her the most. By that time, she had had what others would call many "affairs", but I get the sense from the book that it was always her wish to give herself fully to her close friends. Surely, her breakup of sorts with her first boyfriend did no good to her - it seems to have been caused by her money and fame making him insecure and the gossip in tinsel town made it worse. In the ashram, she found the top guru to be a superyogi who once showed her that he could levitate too - his feet above the ground in a standing position, he moved incredibly fast around his garden. She writes that the guru always showed her special affection, but even the tantric sex he taught her - at least what she writes - was more of a teaching for her to be able to deal better with her sexuality. Jealous women yogis, according to her, had her thrown out of the ashram physically when the guru was out on a tour. By this time, of course, the 6 month course had long been completed successfully and she was staying on at the guru's suggestion.
The course at Rishikesh over, she made plans to start teaching yoga in Mumbai. One day, returning from a party, she ended up in a terrible car accident and was in coma for 29 days. The full recovery took months and years, since she had ended up with multiple fractures and parallysis in parts. It was during this time that she had out of body experiences, in particular, one in which she saw her first surgery from outside her body, while the body was in coma. The day before she came out of coma, she again saw her guru in her mind and she had been having visions of her guru's guru throughout the coma state. When I say guru, i am using my own words since the teacher went beyond the course and gave her additional instructions. She herself does not refer to the swami as a guru - her formal initiation happened much later, after some recovery from the accident. She writes in her book that for a while, she has been teaching from her own understanding, and this particular yogi who taught her tantric sex was also no longer essential to her life after some time. However, it is also clear that she has always considered the swami to be a superyogi, a true tantric, and not merely someone with books memorized and having charming manners.
Now, according to Wikipedia, Anu teaches at the Bihar School of Yoga in Munger. She also does some powerlifting! Probably to prove to people that they can recover even from multiple fractures, months of immobility and partial paralysis?
Are some of you thinking that this is not the right stuff to read on Christmas and Christmas eve?
For one, let's also see things from her perspective. We have all seen changes in moods and emotions, haven't we? She acted on some of the feelings which others might not act on, but most of us know what these feelings are and how they arise.
About yoga and sexuality in general, please recall how many ancient rishis were married? Did that ever take away from the respect they got in society? Now, hiding the truth from the people is different, but this particular person is clearly not hiding anything here. Not even her relationships prior to that swami. What's more, even Tulsidas - common people say - may have stopped short of mentioning the banishing of Sita in his version of Rama's story because such complexities may take people's attention away from the goal of perfection. It's possible that there is a time and place for complex truths too, although that is also not the happiest thing to think about. When the goal is to paint a picture people can revere, perhaps some truths may have to be left for another time and another day. Who knows what's best?
Right wingers in yoga have indeed taught about celibacy or at least sexual restraint for monks and serious aspirants, but even that is because the chances of falling from the goal are higher when people follow the path of enjoyment. Not that no one can ever succed in yoga if the path includes some enjoyment.
Is it hypocrisy to not follow through on some desires? Probably not. Man is not just a bundle of desires and craving. There is also thought and education, habit, tradition and give-and-take, all of which are part of personality. The Gita, in chapter 14, points to a state where the practitioner neither hates the state of attchment, nor desires to go back to that state when the attachment withers away. We all know that the elevated mood may feel afraid of the return of any unpleasant feelings and may call unpleasantness a reality due to that fear. However, so is the low mood bound to weep until the elevated or normal state is reached again. Therefore, darkness is not reality. Craving is not truth. Having some self restraint is not hypocrisy. These are normal ways to live now. Focusing on the one may require keeping the other aside at that time, but that does not mean that seeing the one, the other has to be forgotten.
Sadanand Tutakne
